1. Better Music Than You

One unifying characteristic of hippies is that, without fail, the music they listen to is vastly superior to the music you favor. This is true even if you have the same favorite band, but especially if your favorite band is another band within the jam-osphere. The Grateful Dead peaked about 40 years ago. Phish plays endless wankery and should have stayed broken up. The Disco Biscuits play mindless dribble and repetitive untz. Widespread Panic has no talent. String Cheese Incident is probably the worst band ever. And so it goes. If you happen to actually like the same band as the hippie, they will probably go off on some tirade about how much better that band used to be before you got into them. Either that or they'll explain how some '60s Finnish psych-folk outfit or some Pacific Northwestern drone troubadour is infinitely better than anything you have ever heard. Heaven help you if you have any affinity for any band currently played on a Top 40 radio station.