5. Anything Epic

Hippies are naturally drawn to anything and everything that can be described as epic. It is important to note, however, that hippies' usage of the term, while rooted in the classic definition, is decidedly looser in its contemporary hippie application. Aside from it's literary roots, the term epic, in normal parlance, is used to refer to something either "heroic; majestic; impressively great" or "of unusually great size or extent." Whereas, this standard usage is mostly reserved for truly exemplary subject matter, hippies will throw it around like a frisbee on lot. Anything, from a comparatively lackluster performance by a hippie band to a lukewarm post-blunt burrito qualifies as epic under the watered-down hippie definition, given the appropriate circumstances. Last night's show was EPIC! Breakfast this morning was EPIC! Dry socks are EPIC! Pretty much anything that isn't downright disagreeable can be considered EPIC! As you might surmise, hippies are therefore prone to hyperbole in critical analysis of nearly any given area.

4. Alex Grey

Alex Grey is the Pablo Picasso, Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali of hippiedom. If the aforementioned luminaries somehow all got together at Burning Man and consumed copious amounts of LSD and DMT, they might be able to equal a small percentage of the ingenious output of Alex Grey. Known primarily for his quasi-religious and uber-trippy artwork, Alex Grey has also contributed cover art to recordings by hippie-approved bands, such as String Cheese Incident. From full moon gatherings at his spiritual center, the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, to painting live pieces with his wife at any number of hippie music events, Alex Grey has cemented his legacy as the force to be reckoned with in the hippie art scene.

3. Parking Lots

The parking lot plays an important role in hippie culture, especially outside hippie concerts. It serves as a center of social activity and commerce, and it can even be a temporary residence. Before, after and during (for those unlucky enough to fail to secure a "miracle" ticket) a hippie concert, colloquially known as a "show," hippies will gather in "the lot" to engage in such sanctioned hippie recreational activities as Hacky Sack, Frisbee and Wiffle Ball. Also found in the lot are various vendors peddling goods on a strip known as "Shakedown Street." Here, normally indolent individuals are transformed into shrewd entrepreneurs offering everything from food to clothing to narcotics. After the show, the parking lots in the immediate area, especially those adjacent to Wal-Mart, are often transformed into short-term hippie settlements akin to refugee camps.

2. Crystals

Hippies love crystals. There are several reasons for this. For starters, they look cool. In a drug-induced haze, a hippie can be entertained for hours on end by the refracting light beams bouncing through the sides of a particularly multi-faceted gemstone. Some hippies have even taken to wearing wire-wrapped crystal pendants on necklaces or hatpins. This is the pinnacle of high fashion in certain hippie circles. A few hippies are actually fascinated with the geological processes by which crystals are formed. These earth science geek hippies are few and far in between. Far more common is the conventional New Age hippie that sincerely believes these rocks have powers. A substantial amount of literature is dedicated to the helpful properties of specific inanimate rocks. For instance, tourmaline purportedly attracts inspiration, diminishes fears by bringing understanding and encourages self-confidence. Crystals can even be used as currency in bartering for goods and services at various hippie gatherings. If a hippie takes a shine to you, he or she may give you a crystal as a token of friendship and acceptance. This crystal may have previously been bestowed upon that hippie in a similar fashion. The passing on of such trinkets is known as a "kickdown."

1. Better Music Than You

One unifying characteristic of hippies is that, without fail, the music they listen to is vastly superior to the music you favor. This is true even if you have the same favorite band, but especially if your favorite band is another band within the jam-osphere. The Grateful Dead peaked about 40 years ago. Phish plays endless wankery and should have stayed broken up. The Disco Biscuits play mindless dribble and repetitive untz. Widespread Panic has no talent. String Cheese Incident is probably the worst band ever. And so it goes. If you happen to actually like the same band as the hippie, they will probably go off on some tirade about how much better that band used to be before you got into them. Either that or they'll explain how some '60s Finnish psych-folk outfit or some Pacific Northwestern drone troubadour is infinitely better than anything you have ever heard. Heaven help you if you have any affinity for any band currently played on a Top 40 radio station.